tick tock on Benjamin Button clock

Ok today I just felt like talking about regretting my past and how I wish I could turn back the time... like the Benjamin Button clock that goes anticlockwise. the owner made it that way in hoping it could turn back time and his son will come back from war if i'm not mistaken. I wanna turn back time. I'm at the point where I feel so disgusted with myself... If I study harder back when I was in school, I could have got 8As for PMR... & 10As for SPM,  or let's start from the very beginning, UPSR, if only I study harder, I could've gotten 5As. what's so hard about those 5 subjects, just Bahasa Melayu mcq&essay, English, Mathematics& Science...! IF ONLY I GOT 5 FREAKING A IN UPSR, MY DIRECTION IN LIFE WOULD BE BETTER....cuz then I could've got the government university... and I could've been better there.. I could've got the chance to do my degree abroad... My life could've been BETTA. I wouldn't have to meet any of the crazy weirdo boys in my college, I wouldn't have made those mistakes... I wouldn't have fallen in love with the wrong person... just u kno I could have been better!
Seriously, I can't imagine how I'd look like right now, if I really take good care of myself at the age of 15,(cuz I start gain weight when I was this age) like exercising well, eat healthy and everything... and what would have happened to me if I did not look highly up on Avril Lavigne... or If I didn't try too hard to please all of my so called friends... or If I didn't fell in love when I was on standard 3(9years old) now I just feel like giving myself one identity...and stick with it. really have my own point of view, my own stand... and everything.. I just don't want to care anymore what they have to say... IT'S MY LIFE. I DO WHATEVA I WANT WITH IT. YOU HAVE YOURS... IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE WAY I HANDLE MY LIFE.. THEN PLEASE JUST  LEAVE ME ALONE. I just really wish I can turn back time, I wish next year is 2002 so I can start all over again.... go through UPSR - PMR -SPM -SCORE As - go to a BETTER UNIVERSITY -

:( but reality check.

 I CAN'T TURN BACK TIME!!!
1. I didn't do well on PMR, SPM not even UPSR

2. I studied at a private college

3. I met weirdo boys, I know them... I understand them..

4. I fell in love with the wrong person

5.I look highly up at Avril Lavigne

6.I try so hard to pleaseee friends

7.I fell in love when I was 9

now that I think of it, I think Hayley Williams of Paramore is right. She once quoted ‎"The choices that we make aren't always perfect but it's ok.... It's part of the journey. It just reminds me that nothing is ever a mistake." yeah I think she's right. NOTHING IS EVA A MISTAKE.


If it meant to happen, then it meant to happen.


I'm still thankful that I make good friends in college.. and how I could really count on them... I shouldn't be so selfish.. I shouldn't always think about myself all the time... the world doesn't revolve around me. I don't wanna ended up being like Bella Swan (Twilight) now...
sometimes... you just have to accept the fact the you make mistakes.. and somehow, you have to learn how to forgive yourself. I know it's painful to know we made stupid mistakes... but look what we've gain from making it. Don't just look, really see. We become a much better person, we become stronger&wiser... I become ME. At least I know that I'm not pretending to be someone I'm not anymore!!!  


So if you make mistakes, it's ok!
things happen for a reason.


learn from it.. and avoid making the same mistakes.


and there's just no point wishing you could turn back time... don't waste your time thinking the "what ifs" or "could've been". Just live ur life. Live in the present. The past has gone forever.. and the future is yet to come. Today is all you have.
stop thinking about the past, do something about ur present before it turns into another past that you're going to regret. FIX IT. FIX THE WAY YOU VIEW THE WORLD. WEAR A BRAND NEW EYES.


:) I know I am.