cursed

I feel like I'm cursed...

[ceh buat suspen je]

ok, first thing first, let me apologize to you guys for being such a pain in the ass for the whole month of Ramadhan.. n a couple of month before Ramadhan...

I know, I'm messed up,

keep talking about my past and all..

post nonsense thing on my facebook wall...

I know... I was being stupid..

I was embarrasing myself to the whole wide world...

I got 674 friends on facebook.

that includes all of my college mates, school mates, my aunts and uncles, my mom, my lecturers, my friend's mum [when i think about it, i feel soooo ashamed of myself, for posting stupid things.. she must've judge me real bad..] and people..who play farmville and all...

and there has been like 6-7 people asking me if i was ok..cuz i sounded miserable in all my posts...

there were even people who actually advice me about it..

they're like, "u need to relax, be happy..." something like that...

and I was like "was I that bad?"

and when I read all of my old posts back..

and I said to myself, if i were someone else, and I read all that,

I'd say to me...to GET A LIFE and FORGET ABOUT THAT... AND JUST MOVE ON!!! AND THERE ARE MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST BEING CONFUSED, REJECTED AND DESPERATE.... HAVE A LITTLE PRIDE... YOU'RE LIFE IS NOT THAT BAD TO PLEASE THE WORLD TO LISTEN TO YOU...

that's when it hit me,

I'M A FOOL.

I'm sure there'll be a lot of people say nasty things about me rite now..

like "she is soooooo horrible, honestly, is that ex of him is so handsome? are boys are all she thinks about, why is she so desperate? doesn't she believe in Allah at all? She is the most boring human being I've ever met, n she's just plain crap...."

I know...

I guess I am.. was... I was...

now, I wanna change...

no more being crap!

eat crab takpe, jgn jadi crap je.. [?!!?]

I need to lock this part of me back...

the desperate and insecure part...

I dunno where and how they got out from their cage...

but I will lock them back,

and I'm doing it right now...

;)

I am not cursed lah, just this insecurity has taken over me...

and I have to take control of my life back...

have to,

got to,

need to...

must!

once again, I'd like to say I'm sorry for my misbehave on facebook and in here, and I hope all of you forgive me, and stop judging me...

thank you...